As I said before, laughter has the power to heal us from the excess of seriousness, from the ugly combination between self-importance and lack of self-confidence, to exorcise from us the dictatorial combination between the sense of justice for the others and the sense of self-pity, to eliminate the temptation of believing that we are too smart and that we are not exposed to mistakes even when we are criticizing others. Ultimately it is teaching us that having the last word doesn’t mean that we are right because sometimes after a good laugh there is nothing you can add.

In healthy societies people know how to laugh at the mistakes not at the people who make them, to underline the wrong attitudes of a person through a joke but not to hate the person. They use different forms of laughter to protect themselves from the insidious but ridiculous influence of the ego.

I think that we can always find room (especially in such a serious blog as this one! ) for humour and laughter.

I invite you all to participate with humour to this collection, with jokes, drawings, clips, that you consider significant for their meaning or just funny.

FROM HERE COMES THE JOKES…..

1. THE ETERNAL JOKE… WITH JOHN

(Here one of my all time favorites…)

A guy is sitting quietly in a bar drinking his carrot .juice when another guy runs into the bar and shouts to him:

“Come quick John, your car has been stolen”.

The guy at the bar jumps up, runs out the bar into the street and there he realizes: “Hey, wait a minute, I don’t have a car”. So he goes back in the bar to finish his carrot juice.

After only few minutes, another guy runs into the bar shouting at him: “John come quick, your house is on fire! You must do something.”

The guy at the bar jumps up , leaves his carrots juice and runs out the door .. once he is out on the street he is stricken by the revelation: “Hey hold on, I don’t have a house”.

So he goes back into the bar and gets himself another juice.

Soon after another comes into the bar crying and saying “ I am sorry John, I just heard your father died!”

With tears in his eyes the guy at the bar runs to the door, and when he is outside.. he realizes with amazement … “Hang on … I am not John!!!”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

2. AMAZING CARICATURES!!! (on the subject of: “ridiculous “enemies” of NATHA”)

i just received some amazing caricatures from a very talented person! i will not yet reveal his name but maybe i will open a gallery with this theme (and then i will tell you his name). i think that laughing about the mistakes that were done in this campaign will help them to be understood and in the future we will avoid such situations.

here they are! THANK YOU and i hope you will send more.

1. Gollum was hunting the hobbits because he considered that they stole his property (his “precious”). he was trying all the time to make them regret having his property…. the author of the drawing is a genius! (only for those that know the bhoga case )

2.  in the last month there were a lot of information coming out from the people that were initially just victims of these three people that i was calling in the end: the ridiculous “enemies” of NATHA. again this genius, collecting all the information, did  this:

3.  IN THE SAME DAY THE ABOVE DRAWINGS WERE PUBLISHED, SCHMOLLUM BROUGHT THE ORCS TO BHOGA ASHRAM, PROVING ONCE AGAIN THE PROPHETIC VALUE OF THESE DRAWINGS. THE ATTITUDE SHOWN BY SCHMOLLUM WAS EXACTLY THE SAME JUST MORE VIOLENT THAN THE PATHETIC CHARACTER GOLLUM. THE NEW ELEMENT IS THE “ALL SEEING EYE” THAT STARTS TO APPEAR CLEARER BEHIND THE WHOLE ACTION. HERE IS ONE MORE DRAWING FROM THE SAME AUTHOR:

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

3. THE BLONDE IN THE SPORTS CAR

A blonde is driving a sports car on a mountain road, listening to the radio at full volume while paying little attention to the road. At a point she tries to overtake a truck and by manoeuvring strangely she almost forces it off the road. The truck driver goes mad and starts to follow the sports car until he sees it in a carpark. The truck driver pulls in and asks the blonde to get out of her car. He then draws a circle on the ground, puts the blonde inside it and yells: “do not move out of the circle or you are in trouble!”.

Then the truck driver takes a knife from the truck and scratches the leather upholstered driver’s seat of the sports car. When he turns and looks at the blonde, he sees that she is smiling. His  anger mounting, he runs to the truck and takes out a baseball bat. He then smashes the windscreen of the sport car, but when he looks at the blonde she is laughing. Seeing red, the truck driver takes the knife and slashes all the car’s tyres, but when he turns to the blonde she is laughing hysterically. Almost suffocating with anger the truck driver ask the blonde: “what’s the matter? Why are you laughing so much???!”. After catching her breath the blonde replies with an innocent style: “every time you turned away I was stepping out of the circle!”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

4. THE MIDNIGHT LECTURE

It is midnight and a drunk is resting against a wall looking as though he needs to make a decision. A police car that is passing by stops and the officer says to the man:

“Where are you going?”

“I am heading to a lecture about the noxious effects of  alcohol upon the health.” The drunk replies  without any heart.

- “At this hour? Who is keeping that lecture?”

-” My wife and probably my mother in law too.”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

5. THE GREAT TEAM

Exploring a deep forest, a team formed by an American, a German, a Jew and a black guy are carefully advancing through the thick vegetation. A caterpillar falls from a tree onto the American. He is immediately takes it and throws it and it lands on the German. The German carefully looks at it and decide to threw it over his shoulder and it is falls on the Jew.

The jew takes  it and after a short evaluation is throws  it back and it lands on the black guy. The last one takes the caterpillar and eats it.

Going further in the forest, another caterpillar falls from the tree on the american, he is throwing it on the german, the german throw it over his shoulder and the jew catch it and turning to the black is asking:

“Do you want to buy a caterpillar?”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

6. THE POWER OF HABIT (the polar version of JOHN joke)

While the couple is making love passionately the doorbell is ringing. She is scared and jumping up and tell to her lover:

“Quickly, my husband must have forgot the keys home and he is ringing at the door! Get in the closet!”

after the guy enters the closet, in few moments he exit and says:

“wait a minute, i am your husband! Baby we are so stressed”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

7. INNOCENCE

A driver is laterally hitting lightly with the car a guy that is crossing the street, after few meters the car stop and the driver shout through the window:

“Hey!!! Watch out!”

The guy jump up and ask innocently

“Why? Are you driving backward now? “

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

8. SHAKTI MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

9. THE VOW OF SILENCE

“The following  is an excellent joke about the way some people are joining the spiritual school and stay on the path. The answer his guru gave was also brilliant. If you think you are on the spiritual path, make sure you will not end up after many years with a mind full of complaints and void of anything else!“

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

10. “SHAKTI NEVER STOPS KICKING OUR BUTT TO EVOLVE EVEN WHEN SHE IS A GRANDMA! “

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

11. “The search for a greener grass leads us to big surprises….

THE POWER OF IMPROVEMENT

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

12. FOUR MEN ON A HIKE…..

Four men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river. Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed:
“God, please give me the strength to cross the river.”

Poof! …. God gave him a rowing boat,strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.

Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed:
“God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river”

Poof! … He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, walked 1km upstream and walked across the bridge.

and the fourth one who was wise and learned from the others mistakes prayed:
“God please take me across the river”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

35. Blonde desperately needed money

A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.

She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, “I’ve kidnapped you.”

She then wrote a big note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde.”

The blonde then pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree.

The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow blonde?”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

36. “Women rarely reveal their age and men rarely act their age”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

37. A new supermarket is opening in the forest. All the animals cue over night excitedly waiting for it to open.
Suddenly a little rabbit shows up and wants to get to the front of the cue .. he says politely “Excuse me, can i please pass”

The bear growls angrily and says “No you may not , we have been waiting here all night ”  He promptly picks the rabbit up by his ears and throws him to the back of the cue…

The rabbit bruised and dazed stands up and tries again to get through the crowd of animals.. When the wolf sees the rabbit , he goes crazy and says “ Who do you think you are? “ and kicks the rabbits butt, so he flies to the back of the cue…

But again the rabbit gets up and persistently tries to make his way through..

When the fox sees him he is very angry and pushes him so he rolls down the hill…

Then, the rabbit, full of bruises and very upset, stands up and starts shouting:
“That’s it, I am fed up and very upset and I will not be opening the shop today!”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

38.  Moses, Jesus and an old man were playing golf. It’s Moses turn first, he hits the ball and it lands in a lake. Seeing this Moses hits the ground with his staff and miraculously the water parts, he walks in and  hits the ball again, it rolls into the hole.
Next it’s Jesus’s turn. He hits the ball, the balls flies in the air almost landing in the lake. Before it falls the ball slows down and  Jesus walks quickly over the water, he hits the ball again and he scores.
Now it is the old mans turn. He hits the ball very relaxed, paying little attention. The ball falls into the lake and a frog eats it. A big stork picks the frog up in his beak and flies away. Immediately a hunter shoots the stork , who falls to the ground,  dropping the frog and the ball rolls nicely into the hole.
Seeing this Moses turns to Jesus quite annoyed and says:  “That’s it I had enough, I am not playing golf with your father ever again!”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

39.  The Pope arrived in the airport.

After getting all of  his luggage loaded into the limo, the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.

“Excuse me, your Eminence, “says the driver, “Would you please take your seat so we can leave?”

“Well, to tell you the truth,” says the Pope, “they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I’d really like to drive today.”

“I’m sorry, but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my job! And what if something should happen?” protests the driver.

”Oh please. It would make me very happy.”

The driver didn’t want to disappoint the Pope, so he climbed in the back of the car and let the Pope take the steering wheel!

However on exiting the airport, with a wide grin on his face the Pope accelerates the car and quickly goes well above the speed limit to one hundred and eighty kilometers per hour.

The driver is very nervous and pleads with the Pope to slow down.

Within minutes they hear the police sirens.

“Oh, dear God, I’m gonna lose my license,” moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the policeman approaches, but the policeman takes one look at him, and returns to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

“I need to talk to the Chief,” he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the policeman tells him that he’s stopped a limo going at one hundred and eighty kilometers per hour.

“So bust him,” said the Chief.

“I don’t think we want to do that, he’s really important,” said the policeman.

Chief exclaimed, “All the more reason!”

“No, I mean really important,”

The Chief then asked, “Who is it, the Mayor?”

Policeman: “Bigger.”

Chief: “Governor?”

Policeman: “Bigger.”

“Well,” said the Chief, “Who is it?”

Policeman: “I think it’s God!”

Chief: “What makes you think it’s God?”

Policeman: “Well, he’s got the Pope as His chauffeur!!”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

40. Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous.  They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it.  If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.
The boy’s mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.  The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. So the mother sent the 8-year-old first thing in the morning, and the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, “Do you know where God is, son?”
The boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.  So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, “Where is God?!”
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.  The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed, “WHERE IS GOD?!”
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, “What happened?”
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, “We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing, and they think we did it!”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

41. The optimist sees ‘the light at the end of the tunnel!’

The pessimist sees ‘the darkness of the tunnel’

The realist sees ‘the lights of the approaching train’

And the train driver sees three people wandering on the train track!!

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

42. A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat
down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter
reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on
the table. The diner was impressed.

“Do all the waiters carry spoons in their pockets?”

The waiter replied, “Yes. Ever since we had that efficiency consultant
out; he determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the
table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen.”

The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented,
“Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging
from your fly?”

The waiter replied, “Yes, we all do. Seems that the same consultant
determined that we spend too much time washing our hands after using the
men’s room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my penis. When I
need to go, I simply pull the string, go, and return to work. Having
never touched myself, there is no need to wash my hands. Saves a lot of
time.”

“Wait a minute,” said the diner, “how do you get your penis back in your
pants?”

“Well, I don’t know about the other guys, but I use the spoon.”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

43. In the middle of the jungle a man takes out his violin and starts to play the most divine music, and one by one the wild animals are drawn to the divine melodies…  the lions are the last to hear and slowly they move towards the man after circulating around him they sit down in perfect peace and stillness enraptured by the beauty…after a while the oldest lion of the pack arrives and he promptly eats the violinist.. On a branch nearby two eagles are speaking .. “I told you that the music would end when the deaf lion arrives!!!”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

44. A guy is arrested and taken to the police station for selling ‘the elixir of immortality’ . His charges were ‘fraud and deception’ and his punishment was more severe because he was a known re offender – he had committed the same crimes in 1794, 1856, 1928 2009….

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

45. I woman goes to her priest and says to him ” I have just bought two parrots, they used to live in a brothel and all they can say is ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?’”

“That is a problem,” the priest says, “but I have a solution!”

I have two male parrots whom I’ve taught to pray and read the Bible. If we put your parrots with mine, I believe yours will transform quickly  in their presence.”

The next day, the woman takes her parrots to the priest’s house and puts them in the same cage as the male parrots, who are holding rosary beads and praying.

“Hi, we’re prostitutes.” say the females. “Do you want to have some fun?”

The parrots look at one another and start to squawk!! “Thank God!! Our prayers have been answered at last!!!!”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

46. Jim a young Scottish lad decides to have a change of scenery and  moves to LA, he rents a room in an apartment block.After a few months he speaks to his mother on the phone , and she asks him how he is and if he has made any friends… Jim tells her he is very well, but he has some very strange neighbors.. The guy next door is constantly banging his head on the wall, the woman the other side is screaming all day and the guy above gets into fits of temper and stamps his feet on the floor so much that he makes the  ceiling and light fittings shake. His mother is very worried and says “Oh Jim, with people like that around you better keep out of their way!” He replies ” Don’t worry about me Ma, I stay in doors all day and I try to ignore them by playing my bag pipes!”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

47. A man goes into a bookstore, and asks where he can find the book titled “The superiority of the man over the woman”.
The bookseller told him to search for it on the top floor of the store, and to look under the utopia or science fiction section.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

48. THE TYPICAL CHAIN OF RESPONSIBILITY IN A KARMA YOGA TEAM!
1. What went wrong?
This is the story of four people: Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done, and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody’s got angry, because it was Everybody’s job.
Everybody thought that Somebody would do it
But Nobody asked Anybody.
It ended up that the job wasn’t done, and Everybody blamed Somebody,
when actually Nobody asked Anybody!

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

49.  A student comes to a young professor’s office hours.
She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.
‘I would do anything to pass this exam.’
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.
‘I mean…’ she whispers, ‘…I would do…
**anything**!!!’
He returns her gaze. ‘Anything???’
‘Yes,… Anything!!!’
His voice turns to a whisper. ‘Would you…… study???’

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

50. A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and asmile, gave him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to sweep out the store.”

“But I’m a college graduate,” the young man replied indignantly.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” said the manager. “Here, give me the broom – I’ll show you how.”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

51. It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father.

“Let’s try to make this look natural “she said. “Junior, put your arm around your dad’s shoulder.”

The father answered, “If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

52. Little Janice was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me Janice, who created the universe?” When Janice didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

“God Almighty!” shouted Janice and the teacher said, “Very good” and Janice fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Janice, “Who is our Lord and Saviour.” But, Janice didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

“Jesus Christ!” shouted Janice and the teacher said, “Very good,” and Janice fell back asleep.

Then the teacher asked Janice a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” and again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.

This time Janice jumped up and shouted, “If you stick me with that thing one more time, I’ll break it in half and stick it up your ass!”

… the teacher fainted!

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

53. FOR ALL THOSE THAT RUN OUT OF IDEAS ….

A blonde goes to her local pet store in search of an ‘exotic’ pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box FULL of live frogs.

The sign says:
“SEX FROGS”
Only $20 each!
Comes with ‘complete’ instructions.

The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody’s watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, “I’ll TAKE one!”
As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, “Just follow the instructions!

The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does EXACTLY what is specified:

1. Take a shower.

2. Splash on some nice perfume.

3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.

4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you, and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.

She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise . . . NOTHING happens! The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, “If you have any problems or questions … please call the pet store.”
So, she calls the pet store. The man says, “I’ll be right over.”

Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The blonde welcomes him in and says, “See, I’ve done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just SITS there!”

The man . . . looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares ‘directly into its eyes’ and STERNLY says:

“LISTEN TO ME!!

I’m only going to show you how to do this ONE .. MORE … TIME!!!”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

54. This joke illustrates the law of relativity in …. real life.

Banta Singh walks into a bar in London, orders 3 glasses of beer and sits in the backyard of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes, he comes back to the bar counter and orders 3 more.

The bartender asks him, “You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the glass; it would taste better if you buy one at a time.”

Banta Singh replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dubai , the other in Canada and I’m here in London . When they left home, we promised that we’ll drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.”

The bartender admits this is a nice custom and leaves it there.

Banta Singh became a regular in the bar and would always drink the same way. He’d order 3 Beers and drink them in turn.

One day, he came in and ordered only 2 Beers. All the other regulars notice and fall silent.

When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bar tender says,” I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my sincere condolences on your great loss.”

Banta Singh looked confused for a moment, and then he laughs…. “Oh, no,”

He said, “Everyone’s fine; both my brothers are alive. The only thing is……………..

(Scroll down for the answer)

……………

…………….

……………

……………

……………

……………

……………

……………

……………

……………

I just quit drinking”!!!

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

55. A virile middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blond woman. Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bed room where he rattled her senseless.

After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, ‘So, you finish?’ She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, ‘No.’

Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally ended and, again, Guido smiled and asked, ‘You finish?’

Again, after a short pause, she returned his smile, cuddled closer to him and softly said, ‘No.’ Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reached for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely managed it, but they ended together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.

Exhausted, Guido fell onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looked into her eyes, smiled proudly and asked again, ‘You finish?’

Barely able to speak, the beautiful blond whispered in his ear, ‘No, I Norwegian.’

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

56. A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home, so he prayed:

“Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.”

God, in His infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a his wife, and she as him.

He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, fed them breakfast, taught them English and Math, put them all in the car and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, pay the bills and balance the check book.

He cleaned the cat’s litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1:00 p.m. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Taught the kids Science and Social Studies.

At 3:30 p.m. he dropped one child off at a scout meeting, another at soccer practice and the third at piano lessons, then went home and set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 6:30 p.m. he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.

At 9:00 p.m. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren’t finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, “Lord, I don’t know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife’s being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back.”

The Lord, in His infinite wisdom, replied, “My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You’ll just have to wait nine months, though…

……

You got pregnant last night.”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

57.  INNOCENCE IS MORE THAN IT APPEARS…

1) NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, ‘Mom, that lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!’

2) OPINIONS

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, ‘The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.’

3) KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle, the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. ‘Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.’

4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the womens’ locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, ‘What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?’
5) POLICE # 1

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, ‘Are you a cop? ‘Yes,’ I answered and continued writing the report. ‘My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?’ ‘Yes, that’s right,’ I told her. ‘Well, then,’ she said as she extended her foot toward me, ‘would you please tie my shoe?’

6) POLICE # 2

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. ‘Is that a dog you got back there?’ he asked.
‘It sure is,’ I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, ‘What did he do?’

7) ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, ‘The tooth fairy will never believe this!’
DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, ‘Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.’
‘And why not, darling?’
‘You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.’

9) DEATH

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The ministers’ son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: ‘Glory be unto the Father, and unto the Son, and into the hole he goes.’ (I want this line used at my funeral!)

10) SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. ‘I’m just wasting my time,’ she said to her mother. ‘I can’t read, I can’t write, and they won’t let me talk!’

11) BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
‘Mama, look what I found,’ the boy called out.
‘What have you got there, dear?’
With astonishment in the young boys’ voice, he answered, ‘I think it’s Adams’ underwear!’

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

58. The first signs of swine flu!

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

59. Once a rich man gave a big donation following this God appeared to him in a revelation. The rich man asked him if he could take some of his objects with him when he dies. God told him that it wasn’t possible to take things from this life to the afterlife. Yet our man insisted and prayed and in the end God said: “Ok, you can take one suitcase with you when you die”

After some years, when our man got sick and felt he was about to die, he filled a suitcase with gold bars and placed it close beside himself. Within a few hours he died. He found himself standing in front of the pearly gates, carrying his suitcase. At the gate the angel on duty told him that he could not past the gates with the suitcase. The man replied that he had a special agreement with God to take the suitcase with him,

The angel called for St Peter (the chief guardian of Heaven) to check this unusual request.

St Peter came and asked the man again, on hearing the story he asked to look in the  case. When the man opened it St Peter exclaimed: “Paving stones? This is what you wanted to bring here???”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

60. A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he

decided to send an e-mail to his wife.

However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without

realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile… .Somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned from her

husband’s funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting

condolence messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow’s son rushed into

the  room, found his mother on the floor  and saw the computer screen

which read :

To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I’ve reached

Date: 16 Mar 2008

I know you’re surprised to hear from me.

They have computers here, and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved

ones. I’ve just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything

has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Looking forward to see you TOMORROW!

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

61. The state of innocence of the child, in comparison with the rigid minds of the grown ups…

A first-grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She had twenty four students in her class and she presented each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It’s hard to believe these were actually done by six-year-olds! Their insight may surprise you.

1. Don’t change horses……….. until they stop running.

2. Strike while the………. bug is close.

3. It’s always darkest before………. Daylight Saving Time.

4. Never underestimate the power of………. termites.

5. You can lead a horse to water but………. how?

6. Don’t bite the hand that………. looks dirty.

7. No news………. impossible.

8. A miss is as good as a………. Mr.

9. You can’t teach an old dog new………. math.

10. If you lie down with dogs, you’ll………. stink in the morning.

11. Love all, trust………. me.

12. The pen is mightier than the………. pigs.

13. An idle mind is………. the best way to relax.

14. Where’s there’s smoke, there’s………. pollution.

15. Happy is the bride who………. gets all the presents.

16. A penny saved is………. not much.

17. Two’s company, three’s………. the Musketeers.

18. Don’t put off till tomorrow what………. you put on to go to bed.

19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and………. you have to blow your nose.

20. There are none so blind as………. Stevie Wonder.

21. Children should be seen and not………. spanked or grounded.

22. If at first you don’t succeed………. get new batteries.

23. You get out of something only what you………. see in the picture on the box.

24. When the blind lead the blind………. get out of the way.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

62. THE LITTLE  GIRL ON A PLAN

A former Tennessee Congressman was seated next to a little girl on

the air plane  leaving from the local airport when he turned to her and said,

‘Let’s  talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.’

The little girl, who had  just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the total stranger, ‘What would

you like to talk  about?’

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ said the southern  congressman.

‘How about global warming or universal health care’, and he smiles smugly.

OK, ‘ she said. ‘Those could be interesting  topics. But let me ask you a question first.

A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets,

while a cow  turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass.

Why  do you suppose that is?’

The southern legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says,

‘Hmmm, I have no idea.’

To which the  little girl replies, ‘Do you really feel qualified to  discuss global warming or

universal health care when you don’t know  shit?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

63.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

64. Now all is clear: THIS IS THE WAY A WOMAN’S BRAIN WORKS. EACH BLUE BALL IS A THOUGHT.

For man is simple: he only has two balls…

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

65.

A PLUMBER WITH A SENSE OF HUMOUR!!!

THIS WHAT SAD LOOKS LIKE!!!

THIS IS WHAT SORRY LOOKS LIKE!

PRIVACY PLEASE!

THIS IS GOING TO HURT!

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

66.                                                                                   HOW TO DEAL WITH PROBLEM NEIGHBOURS

FORGOTTEN SOMETHING?

THE ASS FAMILY

GOOD REASON TO WEAR PYGAMAS TO BED..

LET ME EXPLAIN..